Ouchie

Ok, so here it is. I’m sick. That’s right, out for the count. Doctor said it strep throat. Well, that was the diagnosis on friday. I’ve been taking antibiotics for the last day and a half. And I’m sad to say, my throat still hurts like hell. I’ve probably lost at least 2lbs since I can’t eat much.

Today I ate a single potato wedge and it took me about 6 minutes to finish it. I usually eat slow, but that was ridiculous. Soup, tea, water, applesauce, and oyster crackers is my new diet. And trust, it still hurts to eat those things.

I heard that a lot of people are sick. What is going on?

Being sick like this is so depressing. I cannot do the things I enjoy, for example: kiss, eat, talk a lot, and sleep well. I really want this to be over.

Prayer for the sick:
“Lord thank you for all you do for the people of the world. I pray a special prayer over those that are sick and suffering. Those in the hospital and those laying on their death bed. Please cover them all with your healing spirit. Amen”

If you prayed that prayer I want to thank you cause I do believe that God answers prayers.

You Scare Me

I get so excited when you are near. From the warmth of your body, to the sound of your voice, I desire everything about you.

For some reason you scare me. I can’t quite place my finger on exactly why, but i wish the feeling would go away.

Maybe you’re too fast, or too loud. Maybe I need to be in control, but I don’t think that is possible. I see others engage with you and i want to be just like them; so comfortable, so natural, and having so much fun!

I think you are beautiful, and the fit is just right. I value my life, so maybe that is why I cannot become completely comfortable with you, no matter how hard i try.

Please be patient with me because i am trying, but so much hesitation is making me wonder if the ride is worth it at all.

I know it is not your intention to hurt me, but i also know that if Im not more aggressive I will end up hurt, scared for life, and I definitely don’t want that.

Even my kids love you and they ask to be around you and play with you to, but of course the responsible thing to do is for me to say no. That’s another adventure that will simply have to wait.

After much debate, I’ve come to the conclusion that you scare me, and its probably a good thing you do. Ill overcome the fear one day and I’ll ride with the best of them, but until then, I’ll keep my motorcycle in the garage safe from danger.

To My Heart’s Content

The internal fire cannot explain the desire of my heart’s content
The purpose driven lifestyle which I claim as my own is my own heart’s content
Emotional moments followed by utter silence contained within my heart’s content
Never knowing the final road I’m going or the feeling growing is sometimes covered up by my heart’s content.

It is important that we are honest with ourselves. I’m not proud of some o the things I’ve done in my past, but i am who i am today because of those experiences. As I grow stronger mentally on a daily basis, i believe its important that things we do should satisfy our desires to be better.

If a girl decides she wants to be a dancer, then she needs to take the proper steps to increase her chance of success in that field.

If a boy decides he wants chemist he needs to take the steps to reach that goal.

At this point of my life, i just want to be happy. Sometime i’m not sure if the decisions i make will make me happy, but i try hard to be happy with my decisions.

Life is short and we only get one chance at it.

Love is important to me. I want to love others and i want others to love me! Because i cant control others I do my best to be a lovable person and therefore invite love to come my direction.

Does it always work out? Of course not!

Unconditional love is the love that God gives to us. That same love comes from our children. It is to my heart’s content that the love i show to others is returned without reservation and conditions.

Someone once told me to never listen to the heart because the heart deceives, and to some degree i agree, but i do be live that it is my heart’s content to live, love, and be merry.

Search deep within yourself to find your heart’s content and strive to bring yourself closer everyday!

Its good, but is it overrated?

SEX- A 3 letter word that is frowned upon in some cultures unless done after marriage.

But really, how many people wait til after marriage to engage in sex? I know I didn’t (proof is 2 kids and no wedding ring). It’s rare that people wait, but its a beautiful thing for the people who do. The idea of giving yourself to only one person  is smiled upon by God, but seems far fetched. I personally know 1 person who waited and I’m so proud of that individual!!

Some people would argue that sex is wonderful and they can’t live without it. Others would say sex is okay and they don’t really get anything out of it. Until I was 25, I didnt really enjoy having sex. Before 25, I usually only had sex because my partner wanted to do it. Now, at age 26 (27 on Jan 31st) sex is good. Maybe its because of my partner or maybe its because I know what feels good to me and my pleasure is important.

I heard that women don’t reach their sexual maturity until early 40s and guys around age 18. That is a big difference. But, people are constantly having sex regardless of their maturity level because it ‘feels good’. Why did I put that in quotation marks? Well, sex doesn’t always feel good, yet people do it anyway.

So, is sex overrated?

There are so many porno sites, adult video stores, adult content filled movies, strip clubs and adult toy stores that sex is definitely apart of the culture.

Then there are the meetings for people addicted to sex, classes to teach people better sexual techniques and clubs for people wanting to have sex with other couples. It just seems like there is something dealing with sex out there for everyone.

It use to be a time when men put more emphasis on sex then women did, but now women are just as addicted as men. In fact, some would argue that women are more aggressive than men. I can personally relate to this because there are times when I just can’t get enough and I get frustrated when its over.

So back to the original question, Sex is GOOD, but is it overrated?

I do think sex is overrated, but I personally enjoy the act. As long as people are having safe sex and being responsible for any thing that happens (diseases, children, etc), then they are headed in the right direction.

To help or Not to Help?

That is the question……

There are so many opportunities in a given day that we are able to reach out and help someone else. When do we finally stop thinking about ourselves and decide to help our fellow-man or woman? Come on people, the act of selfishness is played out. Michael Jackson (RIP) said it best in one of his hit songs, “Time to make a change, for once in my life!”

The gesture of kindness maybe as small as giving someone a dollar to catch the bus or as large as going to the grocery store once a week for an elderly person you know. Sometimes what seems like a small act to use, really is a life changing experience for someone else.

Here’s my scenario: I like to help people. Seeing a smile on someone’s face because of something I did feels really good to my soul. There are times when I even feel bad when I offer to help someone and my offer is turned down. I try not to let those moments discourage me from extending a helping hand in the future.

I offered a friend (name will not be mentioned) some help today, but was turned down. However, due to my persistent nature, I continued to ask said friend if they needed anything. Here’s a little more detail, my friend is sick, no not mentally or with some life threatening illness, but just a common cold and sinus issues.

I wanted to help that friend out because I DO NOT like seeing people I care about in pain.

My friend flat-out told me ‘NO’ every time I offered assistance. So I got a little confused and yes, somewhat distant. I felt bad, but I didn’t know what to do. I mean, you see a person in need and the natural motherly reaction is to want to help.  To help or not to help?

The #1 type people will say, since I’ve asked several time and apparently the person really doesnt want help, “LEAVE IT ALONE!! Move on with my life, and focus my energy on something else!” You are probably right.

On the other hand, the #2 type  people will say, since I have an idea of what they want, “Go ahead and get stuff for them anyway, just place it beside them and let them use it as needed!” Another good idea.

So once again, TO HELP OR NOT TO HELP??

When I care about a person, I want to do everything in my power to make sure they are doing ok. Sometimes that might be stepping to the side and letting them determine when they need help. Afterall, you cannot force someone to need or want your help.

This time around I’m going with the #2 type people because I wanna do my part as a friend. That will help me sleep better.

If there’s someone out there who needs your help, be sure to reach out that helping hand. It’s up to that person to decide if they want to accept your offer or not. Either way, don’t lose sleep over something or someone you can’t control!!!!

For Granted

The holiday is getting closer and the first thing most people do is rush to the store or online to buy materialistic THINGS for people. Sometimes it’s for people they rarely talk to during the year. What is that about?

I’m guilty also, but I had a thought today about taking things for granted. I know people who do not appreciate the things they receive or the people in their life. So, with that said, Don’t take ME for granted.

Tomorrow is not promised and if I’m apart of your life, stop and take a moment to show me u care. I’m not saying buy me a present or call me everyday. I’m just saying text, email, wave, hug or even call once a month just to let me know you are thinking about me. I will appreciate your efforts. And i will do the same for you.

Life is busy for everyone, so taking a moment out of your cramped schedule for another person is a great way to show how much you care.

Another thing people take for granted is themselves. Yes, you can walk, see, talk and think today, but whose to say you will be able to do all of those things tomorrow? Only God knows exactly how things will go in your life.

There are so many people out there whose life is so much harder, health is so much worse, finances are obsolete, job is non-existant, starving because there’s no food to eat, and living on the street.

Here you are: complaining that you didn’t get the game you wanted, you don’t want the food made for dinner, the cell phone doesn’t work right, you gained a little weight, your shoes don’t exactly match your shirt, and all types of other complaints that only matter to u.

Stop taking things for granted. Appreciate what you have because it can all be gone in a blink of an eye. Trust me, there is someone out there who would happily accept 1/8 of what you have, plus that person would take better care of the items.

I am not saying u can’t be mad, sad or unhappy with material things, health situations or life in general. I’m saying just take a second to reflect on how good your life really is and how far God has brought you.

At least, if you are reading this blog, that means you have access to the internet, and there are thousand upon thousands of people who will NEVER get to experience this one-act.

Good luck with digging a little deeper into yourselves during this holiday season and for the rest of your life!!!

To Fear or Not to Fear

To Fear or Not to Fear!  That is the question!!

I learned about death at a very young age. I think I was 4 when both my grandparents died 1 week apart. Going to the funeral of 1 person is hard, but a double funeral is absolutely the worse.

I’m sure everyone around didn’t think I knew what was going on, but I still have visions of walking up to the caskets and seeing my grandma and granddad laying there so lifeless. It still makes me sad.

Growing up I had a huge fear of death. In fact, whenever someone did die, I though I was next. I thought I would die the same exact way that person did. There’s a name for this: hypochondriac. I’m not ashamed to admit it. Actually I’ve grown used to these fears.

I still go to the doctor every time I get a pain, but now its more so funny when I think about it.  ANYWAY, that’s not the fear I wanna focus on. I now accept that death is inevitable, so there’s no point in worry about something that I can’t control.

My current fear, the fear that keeps me up sometimes at night, the fear that disappears and reappears at a moments notice is the fear of being alone for the rest of my life.

I know I have beautiful and loving kids and a wonderful family, but kids grow up and get out. I fear that I will never marry and be the great wife I know I can be. There are people who want to be alone, who don’t mind being alone and never want to marry, but I do not fall in those categories.

It’s funny cause anyone who knew me 9 years ago would be soooo surprised at this post because I disliked boys & men (except family members). I didn’t want them to touch me, talk to me, or even look at me. Guess times have changed!

One friend called me a Serial Monogamous. For all who don’t know, that means I go from one relationship to the next without much time in between. Perhaps that’s true. Ever since HS, the longest time i’ve been single in between break-ups was 6 months.

Is that bad? Do I have a problem? Is it wrong to want the company of another person?

Sometimes I go as far as getting envious of people who are married and who ‘seem’ happy because I really wanna experience that for myself. Yeah, I know i’m only 26, but I still fear that I will be alone (husbandless).

What do you fear? Maybe other people think your crazy for fearing that fear, but its hard to move on when that fear has a hold on you.

I Got It, Do You?

I’m not talking about a disease or anything completely horrible. In fact millions of people suffer with this condition. You wanna know what I’m talking about?

Depression. Well, seasonal depression to be more specific.

I hear people saying all the time that they don’t like the winter because its too cold. I agree with them, but my reason for disliking winter is deeper than that.

For the past few years I’ve noticed that I feel like crap when it gets cooler out. At first I thought I was getting sick. Next I thought I was dying (I’m a hypocondriac, if you didn’t already know). And last after talking to my doctor, I was diagnosed with seasonal depression.

That’s right. Me. Depressed. Most people who know me would say I’m a happy, spirited and vibrant woman. All that stuff changes when it gets cold. I’m tired, dull and to myself a lot when its winter.

I believe its because of less sunlight. You see, I love the sun. The more sun I see, the happier I am. And of course, in the winter it starts getting dark at 5pm. That’s not cool!!

There is nothing I can really do but try to fight through the symptoms and do stuff that makes me happy like workout, play with my kids, dance, eat, text message and watch good movies. I try not to go outside cause it’s too cold out there. Work, home, play, eat, sleep (texting in the midst of it all)

I Got it , Do You?

Ask yourself,
(1) Do I have less energy when winter comes around?
(2) Do I work extra hard to stay happy when its winter?
(3) Am I vibrant when the sun is out (even when it’s cold) and dull when it gets dark?

If you answered YES, to these questions you may have seasonal depression. You can get through this with effort, time, and lots of self love.

Remember, you deserve to sunshine on the inside even when the sun isn’t shining on the outside.

Grow Up!!

Physically everyone grows up. From the time we are in our mother’s womb we grow. But, I’m not talking about physical growth right now. It’s the mental growth that too many people lack.

If you’re under 13 & reading this blog (with parent’s permission i hope), you are excused. Why 13 and not 14, 15 or 16? Have you seen society lately? Kids as young as 14 are having children and if that’s the case they need to grow up too!

Everyone wants to claim to be an adult, but their behavior suggests otherwise. Age is definitely just a number cause I know 50 year olds who still wanna act like they are 15.

Hello, you’ve been on this earth for 5 decades, don’t you think its time for you to grow up?

Apparently its been scientifically proven that women mature faster than men, well, that makes me even more worried cause some of these women do things that dont make sense either.

People for the sake of yourselves & for the sake of your children, grow up!!!!

No one is perfect and it would be dumb of me to even consider that option, but I can say this:

1) Handle Your Responsibilities(family, work, money, etc); If it’s yours deal with it. Stop tryna push your to do list on everyone else.

2) No Excuses;  You are not a child, just grow up and deal with the issue at hand.  Even handicapped people only asks for help when absolutely necessary. 

3) If not now, when? Take one day and just pay attention to your behavior, expressions and responses. Did you do something that was, well, immature or questionable?
If you answered yes, imagine how everyone else thinks you’re acting. You need to grow up!!!

I’m not saying don’t have fun. Life should be fun, exciting, and adventurous, but not at the expense of everyone else.

If your idea of fun is taking your 6 month old child out on the train at 11pm just so you can hang out with friends, its time for you to GROW UP!!!

If you think its cool to play with the heart of or sleep with several women at one time, it’s definitely time for you to GROW UP!!!!!

Spending your last few dollars on a bottle of Hennessy & a pack of cigarettes instead of buying food for dinner to feed your children, put s you in the category of ignorant ass fool. Oh, and you need to GROW UP quick!!!!!

Getting your hair done feels nice, but when your children are walking around looking like Pippi Longstocking gone bad, you gotta GROW UP!!!!!

Life is full of phases. They come and go. Growing up physically is something you automatically do (if you live long enough), but its the mental growth that takes effort.

Are you willing to grow up? It’s not too late, just try and you’ll see that grown up people can have fun to. Usually that type of fun comes with less headache, less heartache and more gratification.

TRY IT!!!!!!

The Better Choice

Life is full of choices. Some are real easy and we know the answer without much thought. Others take evaluations, mental work, and time to figure out what is best. Best for who?

Best for YOU!!!!

Even though your choices affect those around you, the most important person to consider is yourself. After all, you are the one who has to live with your choice.

Have you ever made a choice that was pretty good, but you knew there was a better one? How did you react?

This happens to me often because I normally get overly excited and make a choice to fast before I had enough time to think everything through. Other times, I wait too long and over think the problem.  I just need to find a comfortable middle point & quick!!!

Has anyone every made a choice (dealing with you) and you felt another choice shoulda been made? How did you react?

I’ve experienced that too. Of course I know we can’t control anyone else, so its important to get worked up over a choice that’s not yours. Just try to understand the reasons for that person’s choice and make the most of it. Sometimes what seems to be a bad choice at the moment can turn into a wonderful situation. Be aware, vice versa is possible.

God blessed us with free will and that means he will allow us to make our own choices, but we also have to deal with the repercussions of those choices as well.

When you make a choice & you think it’s the better choice, be patient cause  the best choice is the one you want to aim for.